A Dream Deferred

May 11, 2012

First things first.

Notice anything different?

Jessi has been hard at work and Great Smitten is looking gorgeous!  I’m pretty much in love.  We’re still tweaking a few bits and there will be a few more changes, but seriously, how good is it looking?

Now, on to another beautiful thing – Ellen Parker, from handmade recess, and this beautiful thing she wrote for you.

I used to be a High School English Teacher.

I fell in love with books and American poetry and I was done for.

It’s been years but, still, Langston Hughes’ epic question pinballs through my brain.

What does happen to a dream deferred?

In January of this year, I walked right into that brick wall of a question.

For four years, I had been running a fairly successful handmade business. I dreamed up big plans and I smeared my heart all over them. I hired interns. I expanded to the far reaches of my glorious limitations.

Those glorious limitations? 36, 9, 7 and 4. They are my people. I live, breathe them in and out every day.

Something happened as I pushed on the good boundaries of my life. I started to feel farther and farther away from who I wanted to be. Soon, it began to feel impossible to touch what I really wanted.

What I really wanted was to invest in my marriage. What I really wanted was to be a mother who says, “I choose you.” Even when I had to say no. What I really wanted was to be fully present when I was present.

Sometimes the work of your hands and choosing your family don’t have to be mutually exclusive. But sometimes they are.

My husband and I stepped back. We boiled it down. We shaved off all the things that stretched me too far gone.

I let go of my handmade business. I took on sewing for someone local. I let go of the weight of direction and sales and marketing. I kept creativity.

And the gift has been that when I am present, then I can be every bit present. My story is not about stay at home mothers or work at home mothers and work at home wives or work out of the home women.

It’s just this: every time. Every time I have the chance to choose what is best and let go of perfectly good. I’ll do it. Because deferred good is better than not knowing best.

Ellen has also written a beautiful post over on her blog – a letter to young mothers.  And I’m not lying when I say I just cried in a coffee shop as I read it.  

So yeah, I think you should read it too.


3 responses to “A Dream Deferred”

  1. Rin says:

    Thank you for the reminder to think about what is really important. It’s so easy to get caught up in dreams when I have a pretty special little dream sleeping upstairs.

  2. Audrey says:

    Love the new layout. Love Jessi. Love Ellen. And love that you’re challenging me to rethink.

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