A Fecal Matter

June 24, 2011

If you’ve been reading Great Smitten for any amount of time, you know I’ve shared an embarrassing story once or twice.

This one’s a bit different.  It’s a confession.  Something I did that was, well…gross.  But also just a testament to what my life looks like now – what kinds of things play on my mind on a daily basis.

When you become a parent, you suddenly become obsessed with poo.  I’m not proud of it, but it’s true.  I have vivid memories of standing over a few-weeks-old Adlai while he lay on his changing table.  It was the middle of the night, and I was holding his open diaper at a precarious angle so I could check the color of his poo in the pale lamplight.  (Yellow is good, green means they’re not necessarily getting enough nutrients and need to feed longer).  Simon used to do the same thing during those night-time changes, and I also remember lying in bed and calling across the room to him, “How does it look?”

He’d give me an update: “Good, very yellow,” or “Too green.”

He even made up a song about it, which he would sing to Adlai on the changing table:

“Well done, well done, for having yeh-he-he-low poo, poo-poo-poo, poo, poo-poo-poo, poo, poo-poo-poo POO!”

Listen, I told you, we’re not proud.  But this is the way it goes.  You’ll see.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I think we may have hit a new low this week…

Adlai has been eating more and more solids over the past couple months, and the change in diet is obviously affecting the ease at which his bowels…well…move.

The other day, he’d been working on something for a while, and when it finally…um…surfaced, I felt the need to update Simon.  It was a monumental occasion: not only had he finally gone, but it was his very first grown-up, solid, pellet-esque poop.  I was so proud.

So proud, in fact, that I did something I swore I’d never do:

I took a picture of it.

And then I texted it to Simon.

I’m so ashamed.

*I resisted the temptation to post the picture here.  I may have lost some of my inhibitions, but I like to think I still know where to draw the line.  You can thank me later.

*Update: Since posting this, I’ve spoken to Simon’s boss, ZJ, who told me she’s seen the photo.  The shame continues.

5 responses to “A Fecal Matter”

  1. We can relate. It’s fascinating and early medicine talked about the “four humours.” This site equates them with the four elements, and you can guess poo is equated with earth: http://www.kheper.net/topics/typology/four_humours.html Nice perspective! We have a 15-month-old and she signs for poop, letting me know it’s coming. Start sign language! It’s awesome!

  2. Hope Tyndall says:

    Ok, a couple of things about this post. Number 1 – not sure how I missed the post from September where you are standing next to BT! In your defense, my husband was a bit of a shrimp, but standing next to him did showcase your height. Number 2 – just FYI, poop will continue to be an obsession for some unspecified amount of time, I can assure you, because Gavin is 2 1/2 now, and it’s still one of our obsessions. Did he go yet today? Why is he having trouble going? Do we need to give him 2 servings of green beans tonight? Or some high octane apple juice? (This was coined by my sitter, who will text me and ask if she can give the high octane stuff meaning 100% apple juice, not watered down. And it works every time.) On our latest family vacation, Brandon spent 45 minutes “hiding” with Gavin between two beach chairs covered with towels. Gavin has to “hide” to go number 2, and since it was taking so long, he wanted Daddy to keep him company. I guess we are some lucky girls to have husbands that will obsess with us over things such as this!

  3. Amanda says:

    oh no. i will thank you right now. thank you!

  4. adriana says:

    lol. ive done it too. not proud but its happened.

  5. Heather says:

    Have you dreamt about poo yet? Because I have. And it’s even more disturbing in the dreams. Thanks for making me laugh at your life, and mine.

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