Cerian – tall, blonde, Welsh. The new girl in the office.
Alan – the muppet-like chief executive
Hope – tall, blonde, southern American, with an angelic appearance and a biting wit
Scene begins with Cerian and Alan having a meeting at her desk. Cerian is sporting a large, unsightly bruise on her otherwise flawless forehead. Hope sits at her desk, quietly beavering away on some brilliant piece of copy for the company website.
Alan: So, you worked until 9pm yesterday as instructed, correct? Even though you’ve only signed a contract for 40 hours a week and you’re only paid £23,000 a year and your husband has just returned today from the war in Iraq after an 18-month deployment?
Cerian: No, um…actually, I banged my head on this shelf at about 2 o’clock(she points to the shelf above her desk, its sharp edge sparkling beneath the flourescent lights like a shiny new machete). I tried to keep working, but I was seeing stars.
(Alan is silent)
I mean, I was actually seeing stars. That’s never happened to me before. I asked Phil and he told me to go home and lie down, because I might have a concussion.
(Alan stands and leaves the room, without a word. Cerian searches Hope’s face, but Hope just shrugs. A few seconds later, Alan returns with a handsaw. The girls watch in horror as he violently attacks the shelf, thrusting the saw back and forth, back and forth, until the end of the shelf drops into the waste bin below. He steps back, hand on hip, a look of pride and madness in his eye.)
Alan: Well, that was an accident waiting to happen.
Hope: It’s done waitin’.