Judgement > Safety

May 21, 2012

I have this thing.

Where I have to say something out loud before I know if I really believe it.

Simon is a good person to do that with, because he doesn’t judge me.  I make grand, sweeping statements about politics or religion or other massive things, and use words like “always” and “never” and “definitely.”  And then, as soon as the words have left my lips, I either say, “No.  Never mind.” or I sit quietly and rest in my rightness – in my decision that I’ve said something I really believe.

He smiles, too, because he knows me.  He knows my thing.  How I have to test myself out loud, to let my superlatives hit the air before I know if they’ll stick.

It’s something I can do here, at home, because this is where I’m safe.

But there are some places I don’t feel safe.

Some places, I keep my mouth shut.  I don’t perform my test, because for better or worse, I will be judged – judged to be right, or judged to be wrong.

But you know what happens when I don’t say anything?  Nothing at all.

And I’m thinking these days that sometimes nothing for the sake of safety is worse than judgement for the sake of truth.

5 responses to “Judgement > Safety”

  1. philmardlin says:

    So true. I’m glad I’m not the only one who does that…

  2. philmardlin says:

    So true… I love reading your blog, Faith. More and more, I begin to realise I am just an averagely normal person and not the weird freak I always thought I was. What a relief…

  3. saraheoliver says:

    oh my goodness… seriously. 1) i do that all the time, 2) i feel misunderstood by most people when i do it with them, therefore i reserve it for richard and other enfp’s ;), 3) i am inspired to pray for more courage after reading that.

    well done. i think you rock.

  4. Ashley says:

    I can relate to this so well today. I know there was a good reason why I left this page up on my laptop. I forget that it’s okay -and actually good to keep my mouth shut when I’m not in my safe places. I needed this. Thanks.

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